To Be Or Not To Be Single- That Is The Question! (A Valentine Special Edition)
Juliana Y. Bayu
February2011
85
I am writing this piece in defense of all single women who decided to be, you know, single! I do not know the curse of being a professor in a university but most of my friends are single and desperate, married to their craft. They come to school in expensive shoes and bags full of makeup, concealers and powders to hide their true age and feelings.
I remember those stories back when a woman became a wife and a mother at the age of 14, raised twelve (12) kids and still managed to put dinner on the table by 6 p.m.
Well I'm now 35, no kids - not even a pet and I've been a maid of honor twice, a bridesmaid in seven weddings of my friends and ten of my students! What does that make me.
Lately, a former student of mine asked me if I could be her ninang!!!!!!!!!!!!! What???? I almost fainted when I heard such rude request, or is it? My friend (Nanay) said it is ok since she started being a sponsor at the age of 35. Goodness, she was already married then with a waist size of 40 inches!
Yeah, I know, no need to say it - I might as well be done with it all. I'm doomed!
Says who?
Let's be real - no one is really living your life for you. Ah yes, how nice it would be if that were all true, but in the reality of it , you make your life.
I think we realize the truth when something great happens, but when we feel bad about ourselves, we look for blame elsewhere. For instance, when a woman is not as gorgeous as those stars or models seen on TV (America’s Next Top Model), she thinks that someone is punishing her. Give it up! So what if you have more meat on your bones, eyes somewhat crossed, bowed legs, gapped teeth than other women!
Remember that you are the first person others go to when they need some warmth and a different outlook on things. You are different, (my, I don’t wanna be different) and that's a perk.
A popular TV show "Sex in the City," ( I identify myself with the role of Kristin Davis) where single people are the "in" thing gave singles the liberation that it is ok to be single!. The philosophy came to life.
So going back, what is the big deal with being single?
Being single nowadays is like having an illness. You don't necessarily feel like you are ill; it's the way people around you treat this "problem." They will look at you with suspicion in their eyes, calculating your every moves, analyzing you… questioning. You see, If I wear makeup and put on some red lipstick, they see a sign of desperation to get hook on someone, anyone for that matter, but if I don’t, they will also see it as sign of resignation, accepting defeat, wallowing in the quagmire of misery. Many of my students would love to torture me by asking the same question and I can see their pitiful eyes on me, like I am suffering from AIDS ( Acquired Irritability Due to Singleness) with 6 months to live. Pity me???? Me, having countless of signature bags, shoes, clothes and a box full of jewelries... me, who eats meals at the most expensive restaurants (alone)
My parents aren’t much help either, Every time I go home (once a year) and as I step inside our house, my father’s voice thunders over, "Are you still single at your age? What's wrong with you? Are you gay?" (That's my favorite.) "You need to hurry; your biological clock is ticking." Can’t I not see an apo or two from you before the worms will claim my mortal body? Our priest, who helps me strengthen my spiritual needs lately excludes me in his sermons and prayers. He is more unto… Go forth into the world and multiply.
And how about the people who are always trying to set you up with someone, do they also have the "disease?"
The worst is when your friends try to find someone for you. Right when you think your friends know you best, they have the bad habit of hooking you with the silliest, most stupid guy (MSG) on earth. What were they thinking!!!! Anyway. I'll give them a grade of 2.0 for effort, but come on.
When this happens you realize that your friends are the desperate ones, not you. They want you to have the babies and love like they have.
Being single is a way of life. I once read an article that talked about how a lot of young people today are strong, successful and sexy singles (35-24-35). This was the biggest thing next to being a millionaire.
But I didn't need this article to give permission to feel this way. Single is my way of life; it is a great quality and sense of freedom to have. I can do what I want… go where I need to go anytime, anywhere. I have found more creativity in it, and a great sense of self-worth. Besides, how can you truly find the one that is right for you when you don't know yourself?
Next time you feel bad about being single say this:
I AM SINGLE AND FABULOUS!!!
P.S. I gotta go, I need to chat, I wanna be married, Justin Beiber, Matt? Brian? Jo? Are you there??? Hello.
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